yowsamouse

I am a master!

2010-03-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while since I've actually "written" anything on this little corner of the internet (the blogger editor is so different! no spellcheck wtf? you're inforit!) but I have been buzzed into a meme simply by leaving a comment on another blog. Normally, I would blow this off (you'll see why later) but I've decided to tackle this one here today because that other blog happened to be Sarah's from Naked Cupcakes and she's kind of a new friend to me and I ~~don't want to piss her off~~ respect her so much as a blogger because she's smart! and funny! and pretty! If you haven't seen her video for the Out of Tune Idol Contest you simply must click here!** And, well ~~she scares me a little bit~~ she's just a genius, pure and simple.

Hahaha! xoxo Sarah! *blows kisses* *glances nervously over shoulder to make sure she's gone*

Sarah would like me to list six things that I master at? That I'm a master of? At which I master? Of which I master? (This is why I usually spare you the actual writing of words here!)

I am a master

...of wasting time on the internet. From Blogger to Twitter to Stumble to eBay to Craigslist to Petfinder to Facebook to watching-grass-grow to Flickr...the list just goes on and on...I never have time to watch Divorce Court or especially the Beverly Hillbillies anymore in my free time..stupid internet! Stop being so fun!

...of procrastinating. My car's check engine and low tire pressure lights have been on for two months now. I'll happily motor my way to the mall or the grocery store or the ~~liquor store~~ bank and I'll glance down and think, yep, they're still on... and then I'll think to myself "self" we'll just do that later and continue to yell the words to Buh Buh Buh Benny and the Jets sssssssss.

...of grocery shopping like my parents left my teenage self with food money and went on vacation. I'm an adult...my cart should NOT be filled with Pop Tarts, Chili Cheese Fritos and mini bagel dogs but alas. Sometimes, I'm actually embarrassed in front of the cashier and the people behind me in line and I strategically place all the fruits and veggies and meats at the end of the conveyor belt...the old top of mind awareness trick!

Oooh look at how healthy she is with her carrots and stuff!
Oooh! Meat!! She cooks! Sooooo healthy!

...of making my dog pee upon eye contact. I can't even look the little guy when I walk into a room he happens to be in or it's belly up and old faithful time. It's not funny. He pees on anyone who gives him attention he's not finicky, an equal opportunity pee'er if you will. But for some reason, all I have to do is turn my head in his general direction and it's off to see the whizzard! I have to be in the room with him for at least five full minutes before I can pet the dude. Submissive much?

...of being weary/lazy about going out in the beginning of the night and then always being the last to leave. Oh I'll hem and haw for a while and finally I'll concede and next thing I know it's 2:00 a.m., I'm wearing the bottom part of a donkey suit and I'm complacently sitting outside 7/11 eating a turkey sandwich (I don't do burritos).

...I know that's only five things I master at (or whatever) but I have to pee and I'm really lazy (see above) so I'm gonna have to end it here b/c I just can't hold it anymore and....oh shit...ok. well, thanks alot Sarah! I guess I'll be able to finish now but I'm also going to have to get a new couch Overstock.com! Six months from now! Soooooo....

...Super Mario Bros. NES. Word.

**No sheep were sodomized during the filming of this video ~~that I'm aware of~~

Oldie but Goodie

2010-03-02T07:02:00.000-08:00

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

It's getting close

2010-03-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

We're the Windy City Irish-where the crack is always best <--??

Where every day is Paddy's Day and everyone's a guest
If you're Irish on the North Side or Irish on the West
Welcome to the South Side come join the Irish Fest!

Chorus:

We're the South Side Irish as our fathers were before
We come from the Windy City and we're Irish to the core
From Bridgeport to Beverly from Midway to South Shore
We're the South Side Irish-Let's sing it out once more!

Our parents came from Mayo, from Cork and Donegal.
We come from Sabina, St. Kilian's and St. Gall
St. Leo, Visitation, Little Flower and the rest.
The South Side parishes are mighty-they're the best!

Chorus

We live on the South Side-Mayor Daley lived here too
The Greatest Irish Leader that Chicago ever knew
and he was always proud of his South Side Irish roots!
So here's to His Honor to his memory we'll be true.

Chorus

We sing the songs our fathers sang when they were growing up
Rebel songs of Erin's Isle in the South Side Irish Pubs
and when it comes to baseball-we have two favorite clubs
The Go-Go White Sox... and whoever plays the Cubs!

Perhaps I'll sing our fightsong sometime while shitfaced (obligatory) sometime so you can get a real feel for my South Side Irish capabilities. My first party is on Saturday and so on and so forth from there. Yeah, it's a big freaking deal here!

2010-02-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

Just switching it up a little bit, ya know, for Valentine's

2010-01-30T17:15:00.000-08:00

Just switching it up a little bit, ya know, for Valentine's Day.

I'm so sentimental. (emphasis on the mental)

xoxo

No need to hang around here Ain't nothing going on just go

2009-12-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

No need to hang around here

Ain't nothing going on

just go here

Steam Me Up Kid

seriously, it's the best stuff on the internet or I'll be Scooner Seawell
Georgia Washenting Christiffer Columbia Daniel Boom
don't even ask.

out peeps!

2009-11-23T17:48:00.000-08:00

What? Is it Winter?

2009-11-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

Anyway, just stopping by my old stomping grounds to say hi to everybody...

Am I still even on anyone's reader anymore?
Just nod if you can hear me.

I've been reading and following a few new blogs lately and thought people might be checking out this space in turn and felt a little bad that there's a very old wolverine battle claw post left up here and I didn't even link up the winner's post because I'm a jerk like that. Ok, maybe I was jealous.

I blame my husband for buying me an iphone...that "jerk"! I went a while without much laptop time and I was a bad blog friend...forgive me and I'll send you some Eggos! No, I probably won't. Actually, let's just make that a solid no, I won't. Miss Yvonne will be taking me up on the free Eggo offer and then she'll write a hilarious post about all the super cool things she did with her free Eggos and I'll be awwww, why can't I be as funny as Miss Yvonne and she'll be all, oh you'll get there someday sweetie but she's lying and I know it but I go along with it anyway because that's just the way it goes.

See? THIS is why I don't do this anymore!

xoxo

2009-05-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

The secret word is "nice"

2009-05-24T19:34:00.000-07:00

The winner of the Wolverine Electronic Battle Claw is.....

The most beautiful woman in Puppet Land

Miss Yvonne from YO MAMA'S BLOG

The winning comment:

Oooh Oooh, Mr. Carter! I want the wolverine electronic battle claw!!

Huh?? How about that for a Gabe Kaplan reference that also ties in with your giveaway prize that I am about to win? Yeah, I'm awesome. It's okay, you can go ahead and say it.

P.S. I would totally use the wolverine electronic battle claw to punch my renters in the face repeatedly, and that would just be a public service to everyone so how can you say no to that?

P.P.S. Okay, are you really giving the claw away, or are you just fucking with my mind? Probably the second one, right?
-Miss Yvonne

AND she has agreed to provide us with sweet photographic evidence of the wolverine battle claw assault! How AWESOME is that? Nice! So keep checking her blog, every minute of every day! You don't want to miss this!

ps - Miss Yvonne is one the best commenter in the bloggy world! Makes me laugh every time! Her blog, well...there are no words...definitely a new favorite!

*Sorry to Mrs. Bear, the only other ~~wacko~~ person to express interest in the claw...it really would have been "totally rad" to terrorize your children with! Maybe next time you'll win something like this:

But remember! Ages 3 and up!!